Comedian Rob Beckett admits that he felt he’d be better dead during a work trip to South Africa that surpassed his wildest dreams
Image: Matt Frost/ITV/REX)
Comedian Rob has candidly opened up about his secret mental health battle.
The funny man, 35, revealed in his new autobiography that he had feelings that “it would be better if I was dead” as he struggled during 2020.
He admits that the thoughts arose while he was filming a TV show in South Africa, despite the trip “surpassing my wildest dreams”.
The South Easter Londoner confessed he had been plagued with self-doubt about his career and feared that any potential lost earning would have a huge impact on his young family.
He wrote: “On January 4, 2020, I was nailing it. I had just flown into Cape Town, South Africa, in first class to film a TV show. The show was watching cricket, drinking beer and going on safari with one of my best mates AND getting paid.
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“This filming was squeezed in during a nationwide sell-out tour. Happily married to the love of my life, with two kids in a family home newly renovated, I had surpassed my wildest dreams.”
He continued: “‘But I was the unhappiest I have ever been. I woke up on January 5 in a five-star hotel room thinking it would be better and easier for everyone if I was dead.
“I put on a smile and finished filming. I got back to the UK and told my wife and my friend/manager how I felt.”
He said he then immediately went to therapy sessions and continued to do so on a weekly basis for six months, confessing that he still checks in with the therapist when he feels at a low point.
“I am telling you this as I always promote the message that people should talk about mental health, but I rarely do,” he added.
“So here I am, talking. I wanted to die when I had everything I ever wanted. So never judge yourself for feeling low. Tell someone and they will help you feel better.’
Rob went on to say how the pandemic had made him slow down, which helped him. He said that if had carried on working as much as he was, it “would all have fallen apart”.
Now, after facing his problems, Rob says he no longer lives in fear of failing to reach society’s idea of achievement.
“Each day can be a success if you go to bed after enjoying your day and you look forward to the next one. It has taken a long time and been quite a journey to get to this place, but I think Rob Beckett the person is learning to be as confident as Rob Beckett the performer.”
If you’re struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email [email protected] or visit their site to find your local branch